Kate's Being UnKate
by nnceLIBSTAnnce
Summary: DiNozzo is pondering what's up with Kate lately. I seriously have no idea what to rate this. TATE.
1. Chapter 1

It was an extremely slow day at NCIS Head Quarters. Tony DiNozzo looked up from his cellphone, despite his increasingly difficult game of Tetris. He first looked around for his boss, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, who would surely allot a smack to the back of the head for screwing around on the job. There was no case to investigate, and Tony didn't feel like doing mindless paperwork. It was already 9:30 pm, which meant Ducky, Abby, and Palmer were probably long gone by now.

Tim McGee was at his desk next over, typing away with an intrigued look at whatever was happening on his computer. _Probably some stupid MMORPG game,_ Tony thought to himself with a half grin. McGee wasn't much fun to talk to, anyway.

Then he looked across the way to his remaining partner. Her green eyes were barely being held open. She was staring at her computer with a blank look, the bright light from the screen shining on her suddenly pale face being the only source of light anywhere near her. Everyone else had on their desk lamp, at least. The city lights of Washington out the window to Tony's right weren't much for illumination, just a pretty view.

"Psst," He said, continuing his game half heartedly, now more curious about her sudden loss of energy than winning the high score. When she kept the same blank expression staring at the screen, he said again, "Psst! Kaaate..."

Kate Todd kept her heavy head propped up on her right palm, attemping to stay awake. She shut her already drooping eyelids and sighed. "What now, DiNozzo?" She said as she dropped her hand down on her desk and looked over at her adolescent partner, expecting something important despite her knowledge of his character.

"Do you know where Gibbs went?"

"Probably out for coffee," Kate said, disinterested.

Tony kept his smile, despite Kate's apparent boredom. "Well, whatcha doin'?"

Kate suddenly clicked her mouse and the light from her computer screen changed from blueish white to plain blue. Tony guessed that she exited whatever she was doing and the light was from the NCIS logo Kate kept as her screen saver lately. She usually had a picture of a pretty nature sceen or her family, but as of late she switched it to the default. She hadn't even whipped out her trusty sketch pad, something she used to do before heading home each night when it was slow.

"Nothing," she said, returning her gaze to him. "Why haven't you gone home yet?" She asked, annoyance noticeable in her voice.

"Is it so wrong to want to stick around longer? Maybe I wanted to do some paper work or something." _Yeah right,_ he thought to himself.

Kate looked down at her desk. She scooted back in her chair, and said "Right...Sorry," and began mindlessly digging through her purse.

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Kate..._Apologizing _to little old DiNozzo?"

"Would you prefer an elbow to the gut?" She snapped. McGee laughed quietly.

"What are _you _laughing at, Probie?" Tony turned his head to look over.

"Nothing," McGee said with a trace of fear in his voice. Tony noticed that he wasn't nearly as afraid as he was a few weeks ago.

He returned his attention to Kate. "Do I detect a little PMS there?" Tony quipped.

"DiNozzo, I swear, If you don't..." Her voice drifted off.

"If I don't what, Katie?" He asked with a smile, anticipation glowing in his bright blue eyes.

"Hmm?" Kate said after a breif pause, looking from whatever held her attention back to him. "Uh...Never mind," she said, seeming flustered.

Tony frowned. Something was definitely wrong with her. Hell, something had been wrong with her for the past few days. She'd been getting slowly less..._Kate_ as the days went by, and Tony was getting genuinely concerned.

DiNozzo flipped his cellphone shut and stood up. He made his way over to Kate's desk and sat on the corner.

"Kate," he said in a hushed tone to keep McGee from hearing. "Are you okay? You've been acting weird lately. You haven't even drawn anything since a few days ago."

"Well, Tony, maybe I just don't have anything to draw." Kate gathered her things quickly, put on her coat and stood up. She walked around him out of her desk, saying "See you tomorrow." And with that, she got in the elevator, the doors shutting as she pressed a button on the panel.

Tony huffed. He was now determined to find out what was bugging her. He looked over at McGee, who was now getting his things ready as well.

"Hey Probie," he said, making his way over. "You've noticed how un-Kate Kate's been acting, right? What do you think it is?"

"You can't be serious, Tony..." McGee said, looking up from his computer.

"What do you mean; of course I'm serious." DiNozzo was now making it a point to intimidate Tim. "Do I look like I'm joking? It's not very wise to talk to your Senior Field Agent like that-"

"Maybe she's still shook up about that terrorist incident."

Tony frowned. He thought she had gotten over that whole thing. Everyone else had. Except Gibbs...He still obsesses over finding that bastard.

"You think so?" He said, following McGee to the elevator as he called it up.

"Yeah. I do," Probie said as the elevator doors opened, revealing Gibbs with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"See you tomorrow, Boss," McGee said, stepping in after Gibbs stepped out. Gibbs remained silent as usual, heading to his desk. DiNozzo followed.

"Where's Kate?" Gibbs said, sipping his coffee.

"She went home already, boss."

"Good. She needs the sleep."

Tony felt so stupid. Everyone else seemed to have noticed what was wrong before he did, even Probie. More than stupid, he felt...bad. Bad for Kate. She doesn't get upset over much. And there was nothing he could do to help her.


	2. Chapter 2

Kate stood in the elevator, watching Tony with a perplexed look on his face before the doors slammed shut. At least, they seemed to slam, to her.

She didn't even make it to the main floor before she felt her throat burn and her eyes sting. She tilted her head down, bit her lip and shut her eyes, but that just made it harder to hold back the tears. Every time she shut her eyes she saw him.

She barely made it through the lobby before she saw Gibbs making his way around the corner, steaming cup of coffee in hand. She knew how small of a chance she had to make it to her car in the parking lot behind her before Gibbs spotted her, but she decided to make a mad dash around to the back lot anyway. She couldn't control half of her actions anymore.

She couldn't think straight. She couldn't see clearly. She couldn't breathe easily. But she could run, with not yet spilt tears in her eyes, all the way to her car. The second she reached her car, she leaned onto her key, it being the only thing between herself and the cold car door. She yanked the door open, threw herself inside, and slammed the door behind her. She gripped the steering wheel as calmly as possible, took a deep breath, and silently let the tears flow. Even though she wanted to cry for days, it still was crying, and therefore unacceptable. She took in the discomforting silence of the empty parking lot, which brought another wave of tears. Everything around her was as miserable as she'd become.

The scene had been replaying in the back of her mind 24/7 since the day it happened, all because she saw something in his eyes, something that looking back on, she knew was probably just her imagination.

She thought they looked kind. She saw genuine good in him. She looked in past the immorality at the surface and saw all the love in the world, all the love humanly possible in the shape of a monster. She knew he was a good person that didn't want to hurt anyone, despite the bullet in Gerald's shoulder. Whatever possessed him to become a terrorist, she could tell that he never wanted it.

So why exactly didn't she kill him? She had been wondering for days on end why she hadn't. She tore herself apart when she was alone, and thought deeply about it when in company. Tonight, when Tony decided to pipe up about whatever none sense he had in mind, she was trying to focus less on the good and more on the bad she saw in him. Maybe that way, she would stop caring so much.

But either way she spun it, she still knew she put other people's lives in danger for her silly conscience. She knew she should have killed him. Stabbed him. Watch all the 'good' in his eyes drain out of his neck in the form of his blood.

At some point in her breakdown she must have fallen asleep, because what happened next couldn't have been explained any other way.

She felt a strong arm around her neck and waist. When she tried to tear them away, she learned that all the power in her body had been drained. After she felt something suddenly puncture her neck, she heard his voice: "Now do I seem kind, Caitlin?"

Whatever happened between that moment and when she sat down at her desk, receiving stares from McGee and DiNozzo, she couldn't remember.

"Morning, Kate..." Tim said suspiciously, looking up from his desk.

"Morning," she said, pushing hair away from her face. Nobody heard.

"Wow, Kate, you look like you had a long night," DiNozzo said, standing up to make his way over. "You must not have gotten to bed at a reasonable hour...Not that you weren't in bed, but...Sleeping." He smiled, surely waiting for her to lash back.

But for some reason she couldn't say anything witty to him. All she could manage was "It's none of your business, Tony."

She, along with everyone else, was painfully aware of her hoarse voice. At least she had regained some of her usual attitude.

"So I take it you don't want to kiss and tell?"

"DiNozzo, knock it off. I have work to do."

Tony opened his mouth to say something, but just turned around and returned to his desk with a sad face. He knew that was the end of their usual morning quip. She could feel all eyes on her and did her best to ignore it, until Gibbs showed up with his coffee.

"Grab your gear," he said.

She had forgotten where her gear was.

"Kate," Gibbs said, stopping in his tracks. "You look like hell. Go get checked out by Ducky."

"Thanks, Gibbs." Kate tried to smirk, but her muscles were still too weak. "Look, I'm fine. I just need to wake up--"

"Did that sound like a suggestion to you, Agent Todd?" Gibbs' stern tone made it clear that the discussion was over.

Kate sighed, the feeling in her limbs beginning to return. It finally dawned on her that Gibbs spotted her last night.

She stood slowly, and watched as McGee and DiNozzo hurried to get their things and sprint into the elevator with Gibbs before the doors shut, while he was standing calmly with his coffee. She usually laughed at the awkward contrast, but today she was just not up to it.

She reluctantly made her way toward the elevator, waiting for it to return. The wait seemed like hours, and she debating taking the stairs to autopsy. But the second she felt a wave of nausea, she decided the elevator to be best.

_Maybe Gibbs is right...Seeing Ducky is a good idea..._ She thought while the bell sounded and the doors slid open. She thanked God it was empty.

When she staggered through the doors of autopsy, she didn't even see Ducky shuffling around at his desk to her right.

"Good morning, Caitlin!" He chirped. Kate almost smiled. "What brings you down to autopsy at such an early hour?"

"Strict orders from Gibbs...According to him, I look like hell."

"Well, no offense my dear, but you do look rather worn out," Ducky said, assessing her for any signs of harm. "Do you feel ill? Allergies? How are your sleep patterns lately?"

Kate hesitated. She didn't want to share her misery with Ducky, especially since he went through the whole ordeal with the terrorist alongside her. She didn't want to bring it back up.

"Uh...I just had some trouble getting to sleep last night."

"Why is that?"

"Not sure. Probably just a random bit of insomnia." She made sure to keep face.

Ducky didn't seem completely convinced. "Are you sure? Your eyes look a bit red for just a lack of adequate rest."

"I'm fine Ducky, I promise." Kate managed to flash him her most perfect smile, despite the fact that she was being screeched at by herself to tell him the truth.

"Ah...Well, I'll give you painkillers to ease the headache you'll have later on--"

"No, that's fine; I keep some with me all the time." She began walking backwards as normally as possible to make a quick getaway. Ducky stood perplexed.

"Have a good one!" She called over her shoulder as the doors slid shut.

She pressed the button on the panel and waited for the elevator doors to shut before she exhaled loudly, making sure to keep her eyes open.

_Brilliant save, Kate. _


	3. Chapter 3

Tony kept his eyes on Kate, who was standing with a distraught look on her face. Her eyes were bloodshot, her face was washed out, her hair was unusually curly and tangled, and it looked like she was recovering from being kicked in the ribcage. He felt his stomach lurch at the sight. He could never remember feeling this nervous about anyone. He silently beat himself up for making a joke at her expense earlier, even though he did it several times a day. Today was different.

"What do you think's wrong with Kate, Boss?" McGee asked, breaking the awkward silence in the elevator.

"Dunno. Don't you think she looked a little sick?" Gibbs asked, turning around to face McGee with his famous 'Did you really just question my motives?' look.

"Well, yeah, I guess so, but--"

"Just drop it, Probie," Tony snapped, suddenly irritable. No more words were exchanged.

The entire time Tony was trying to interview the wife of a missing Marine, he couldn't help but wonder what Kate was doing, if she was okay, how she felt. He desperately wanted to flirt with the pretty girl with the thin tank top and long brown hair he saw when they were walking back to the car, but he decided not to. It would just waste his time getting back to his desk across from Kate.

* * *

A few hours later, Tony walked out of the elevator with Gibbs and McGee, immidiately looking to Kate's general area. She had her head down on her desk, and her chair was pushed out so far that her body was practically bent into a forty-five degree angle. Her eyes were open and sad looking.

The male trio looked at each other, before DiNozzo took it upon himself to approach Kate. He walked quietly to her, and tapped her gently on the shoulder. She jumped a bit and looked up. When she saw who was standing there, she glared.

"Hey...Are you okay?" He asked quietly.

"Fine." She sat up abruptly and turned her chair around so she was facing the wall behind her desk, hastily grabbing the folder filled with papers on her way.

Tony looked at Gibbs, then McGee, who both looked away.

He didn't know what to do. He really, truly was concerned for Kate. No matter how much he ever teased her, it was in hopes of seeing her smile at the end of the day. Especially since he hadn't seen her smile in what felt like ages.

"Did you get checked out by Ducky?" He asked, hoping to get something other than 'fine' out of her.

"Yup." She continued to face the wall and shuffle through the papers in her lap.

"Well what'd he say?"

"Nothing."

That's where Tony knew something was up. "Ducky said _nothing_? _Our_ Ducky?"

"We agreed that I didn't get enough sleep last night," she said, the impatience in her voice more than noticeable.

"So I was right!" Tony said, unable to stop himself. "You did have a little rendezvous last night! What's his name, or do you even know?"

Kate plopped the folder back onto her desk, stood up quickly and turned around. Tony had a big smile even though he knew he was probably about to be killed.

She mumbled something, looking away from Tony.

"What was that, Katie?" He asked, wanting her to speak up with her comeback.

"I said I need to talk to Abby about a case," she said, pushing Tony with both of her hands out of her way.

But looking back, DiNozzo was pretty sure she said "I wish I did know his name."

* * *

**Yeah this chapter sucks xD**

**But I promise to add a new one as soon as possible.**

**And thanks to everyone who reviewed, subscribed etc! I love the encouragement! =D**


	4. Chapter 4

"Kate!" Abby said, running to hug her. "I haven't seen you in forever! And you have perfect timing, I'm playing the Pendulum remix of Voodoo People! You like that song, don't you?"

Kate immediately felt her mood go from furious to heartbroken, and nearly burst into tears from Abby's bear hug. She realized that a hug was all she had wanted for days.

"Anyway, what's up?" Abby asked with a smile before she pulled away.

Kate wanted to say what she was thinking: "I wanted to come talk to you about how miserable I've been, because you're my best friend and I know you'd understand."

But when Abby said "Are you okay?", all Kate would do was tear up and shake her head.

"Oh my God," Abby said. "What happened? What's wrong?"

Kate couldn't speak.

"Kate, talk to me! Please!"

She couldn't manage to get anything but sobs out. She felt Abby's arm around her, leading her to the chair at her desk. Kate sat down and hunched over, not wanting to be seen. Not even by Abby.

Abby knelt down beside her and hugged her while she cried. Kate hugged her back and even cried harder, from the misery, from finally being able to reveal her feelings, from happiness of knowing her best friend was there for her.

"Kate, please tell me what's wrong."

"I can't," Kate managed.

"Of course you can! You can tell me anything."

"No," Kate sobbed. "I can't tell anyone..."

"But I'm not anyone, I'm me. You're my best friend, and no matter what you tell me I will always love you." Abby pulled out of the hug and kept her hands on Kate's arms.

Kate looked up and saw that Abby was starting to cry too. "Now please, tell me what happened."

"It's..." Kate tried to get it out in the open, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't say it. "I'm just..."

"It's the terrorist...Isn't it?"

Kate nodded and sobbed even more.

"Kate," Abby said, hugging her again. "I'm so sorry I didn't notice something was wrong. I should have known! Oh, this is all my fault; If I had seen it earlier...If I hadn't have been such a baby about going to autopsy I never would have asked you and--"

The only thing Kate could do was shake her head and hug Abby harder. "It's not your fault..."

Abby sighed and just let Kate cry for as long as she needed, never breaking the hug.

Kate was so relieved to finally cry and tell somebody what was wrong. She couldn't bring herself to tell Tony, Gibbs or McGee about how she felt. She even had trouble telling Ducky. She had to stay strong or she would never be looked at as equal again. But Abby was different. Kate new she could always be truthful with her, and Abby wouldn't judge.

Once Kate could actually control her sobbing, she spoke. "I know I'm being ridiculous..."

"No, you're not," Abby said, rubbing her back.

"I just feel like such an idiot for letting him go. I should have killed him when I had the chance. I don't know what made him seem so nice that I couldn't do it...And I just can't help but feel like I'm being over dramatic about this whole thing. Nobody else seems to be shaken up at all, and I'm having a breakdown because of it..."

"You have every right to feel the way you do." Abby pulled away from the hug and looked Kate in the eye. "I do have a question, though...Why didn't you kill him?"

"I don't know," Kate said, trying to stop her own tears. "But I couldn't do it...I just couldn't..." She began to sob again. Abby pulled her into another hug.

"It's okay..."

Kate was torn. She knew exactly why she couldn't kill him, but she wasn't sure she understood why she felt the way she did and didn't want to tell Abby until she was sure herself. She knew there had to be something more than just the kindness in his eyes...But what?

She was going for his neck without thinking. But then she remembered who she was about to kill, and her arm went limp. Her entire body didn't want to kill him. Their faces weren't but inches apart, where she could really see him.

* * *

_"I did not want ato shoot Gerald again," he said to her, twisting her arm behind her back and pointing a gun at Ducky. He leaned closer to her and whispered, "I did however want to see if I was right about you."_

_Kate could feel her temper rapidly increasing, more at her confusion that the man before her. "Next time I'll be quicker."_

_"Don't you wonder why you weren't now?"_

* * *

She even remembered Tony making the suggestion that it was Stockholm Syndrome, which she immediately dismissed. You can't for an emotional attatchment to your captor in an hour. And when he compared it to falling in love...

Kate shook her head at the thought and began to cry again.

She couldn't believe herself lately. She was lying to all the people she cared about, she didn't kill a terrorist because she saw something more in him, and she was an emotional mess because of it all.

"Abbs," Kate said, sniffling and trying to stop crying. "Please don't tell anyone...They wouldn't look at me the same way."

She heard Abby sigh. "If that's what you want, my lips are sealed. Follow me, you can clean up back here. Everyone might get suspicious if you're gone for too long."

Kate sighed, doing her best to collect herself. Abby was right. Even though all Kate wanted to do was cry more, she needed to keep up the 'I'm fine' act as long as possible until it was true.

Abby helped her stand up and led her to the wash room in the back, reserved for mild chemical spills and other low key emergencies, keeping her arm around Kate the whole time.

Kate was so appreciative to have Abby as her best friend. She couldn't think of anyone better.

Abby opened the door to the tiny room, letting Kate pass her to the sink. She stood in the doorway while Kate splashed her face with cold water. Kate shut the water, dried her face off with paper towels from the dispenser, and looked at Abby. Abby gave a half smile.

"You look better already."

"Thanks," Kate said, half sarcastically. She even managed to laugh a little bit.

"Do you want to borrow some of my make-up?" Abby said. "It might help make your eyes seem less red."

"Sure," Kate said, shutting the door behind her while Abby went to grab her bag.

After Abby helped her find something other than pitch black lipstick, eyeliner and eyeshadow Kate settled for mascara, knowing it was all she ever wore and anything else would seem too out of place.

"You ready to go back up there?" Abby said. Kate sighed and nodded.

"Thank you so much, Abbs." Kate hugged her again, and Abby hugged her back, not used to being the huggie instead of the hugger.

"Of course, Kate. Anything for my best friend."

Kate smiled, still living up the last moments she got, probably for the rest of the day, being able to show how she felt. One of Abby's pigtails was in her face and she chuckled.

Kate pulled away, and looked to the hallway outside Abby's lab. She walked over.

"Good luck!"

"Thanks, I'll need it."

"And Kate," Abby said behind her. She turned around.

"Don't worry. You guys will catch that psycho before he hurts anyone else."

Kate grinned. "I hope you're right."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey faithful readers!**

**Thanks for waiting for my ass over summer xD**

**Please enjoy!!!**

* * *

Tony whipped his head around faster than he thought possible when he heard the elevator's ding. He saw a man he didn't recognize step into the room and take a right. He sighed, exasperated. Kate's desk never looked so empty. He stood up.

"Sit down, DiNozzo." Gibbs didn't even look up from his cup of coffee.

"What, boss?" Tony asked defensively. "I was just--"

"She's not back yet," Gibbs said gently. He was looking straight at DiNozzo now, something he rarely did with anyone.

Tony fell back into his chair. He'd come to the conclusion Gibbs could read minds.

The elevator dinged and he shot straight back up.

He watched Kate step out, looking ten times better than she had when she left. She didn't look at the ground when she walked, her eyes looked wide awake, the color had returned to her face, and she wasn't hunched over like she was in pain.

He looked over at his remaining coworkers. They hardly looked up to acknowledge her return.

"Kate...?!"

"DiNozzo?!" Kate teased with a little grin.

Tony blinked at her dumbly.

"What did Abby have to say?" McGee asked her, normal as possible.

"Oh, she just wanted to tell me that she hadn't found anything new." Kate sat down in her chair and rolled around a bit like a kid, something Tony had never seen her do before.

"You saw Ducky, didn't you?" Gibbs asked, uninterested as always.

"Yeah. He told me to get some rest." Kate grinned again.

Tony's jaw nearly fell to the floor. His gum fell onto his desk, but he barely noticed. "Can I see you in the stairs please?!" he asked, rushing to Kate, grabbing her arm, and taking off to the staircase.

Kate gently tried pulling away, but it was no use. DiNozzo had a death grip on her right arm. "What the hell are you doing?" She asked, laughing at how ridiculous he was acting. "Gibbs, a little help here please?"

Gibbs turned around, pretending not to notice the pair.

McGee looked over to his boss from his computer. Gibbs was laughing.

* * *

Tony shut the door to the staircase behind him and turned to face Kate.

"Can I help you?" Kate asked, stuffing her hands in her back pockets. Tony had lost his mind, she was certain. But that didn't stop her from smiling.

"If you can tell me what's been up with you and your..._moods_, then yes you can help me, Kate!"

Kate's grin disappeared. She knew this was coming. She just hoped it wouldn't be right after she had been cheered up.

"Is this about the terrorist?" Tony asked, realizing that he needed to calm down. He didn't want her to feel like he was angry at her. He just felt pretty insane.

He watched her walk to the window to their left, where the milky light through the rain clouds was illuminating the area, and the stair leading to the level beneath them.

"Yeah. It is."

Tony never felt so ashamed. He couldn't have handled that any worse. Kate looked so stoic that he didn't know what to do next.

"Uh," he said, moving his right hand to the back of his neck. "Do you wanna talk? You know...About what happened?"

Kate wanted to laugh at how awkward and nervous he sounded. She wanted to throw something at him just for being Tony. She wanted everything to be okay. But the mere mention of the ordeal had her next to tears all over again.

"I just feel guilty for not stabbing him...That's all."

Tony knew that was a lie. Guilt couldn't make _anyone_ that upset, let alone Kate Todd.

"_That's_ all?" He said, walking toward her. "You've been a wreck for days."

"Thanks." Kate rolled her eyes.

"You know what I mean...I'm just really worried about you." He looked into her eyes. He noticed that they looked especially green and sparkled in the light. "_That's all_."

DiNozzo stopped dead in his tracks. _Holy shit. Did I really just say that out loud?_

He stood next to her awkwardly. He turned away and looked out the window, seeing that it was sprinkling. Never in his life had he wanted to jump out of a window so badly to escape.

Kate stood perfectly still. She processed the meaning of the last part of Tony's sentence. She couldn't come to a logical conclusion. Her brain was fogged with possibilities, emotions, and worries. She felt the tears coming back fast, and no matter what or how hard she tried, she was going to cry.

She pursed her lips, fighting the pout she got when she began to cry. Everything was going blurry again. She lifted her head, ashamed for breaking down again, and looked at Tony. His right shoulder was the only part of him facing her. He looked out the window and looked sad, and sort of nervous. She didn't know what to say, so she gingerly placed her hand on his shoulder. He was so much warmer than her hand that it shocked her. She wanted to take her hand back, but couldn't.

Tony turned around. He knew exactly what went wrong. Kate was looking up at him with tear filled eyes, the very eyes he'd looked into not thirty seconds ago and told her in his own stupid way, 'I love you'.

She took a step forward, wrapped her shaking arms around him, and buried her face into his neck. He put his arms around her as if she was the life preserve and he the drowning man. He pulled her close and moved one hand to the back of her hair. She felt so cold to him, and she was shaking. He didn't know if it was from crying or how cold she was.

"Oh, Kate," he said quitely. "Please don't cry..."

He desperately wanted to have some magic way of making her all better again. Something he could say, something he could do.

_What the hell am I going to do...This is all my fault...Look what I've done. Fantastic move DiNozzo, calling her out like that. Jesus. _

"Kate, I promise you that bastard won't be able to hurt anyone else. Not as long as I'm around."

He waited for a response of some kind. He got nothing but a slight movement of Kate's head. He froze, completely out of ideas.

"Tony..." She never sound so tired and weak to him. "I don't think anyone cares about me as much as you--"

Without thinking about what exactly he was doing, Tony put space between himself and Kate. It was only about an inch, just enough room to tilt her chin upwards...he could taste her tears on her lips.


	6. Chapter 6

"Tony..." Kate said, fully aware of how spent she sounded. "I don't think anyone cares about me as much as you--"

She couldn't even get the word 'do' out of her mouth before Tony pressed his lips to hers. She immediately felt embarrassment war with arousal. Her face burned and she felt the blood rushing up to her head. To her dismay, Tony broke away first.

"Oh my God, Kate, I'm so sorry; I don't know what I was...Thinking..."

Kate knew why Tony was stalling in speech. She was inching closer back to his mouth. Kate knew her well buried, extremely dangerous impulsiveness took over at times like these, and for once in her life, she decided not to try and stop it. All she wanted was to drink in the moment. All she knew was that she never wanted Tony to let go of her.

Their lips barely touched, but it was enough to send chills down Kate's already quivering spine. She felt an unnerving and uncomfortable halt to the tears, so abrupt that it actually was painful. Her throat burned and her head pounded. She needed to stop for air, but she most certainly didn't want to stop kissing Tony. She didn't think she'd ever want to. She pulled away only slightly and gasped for air. She shifted her arms around him so they were even closer, letting him know she wasn't about to stop.

Apparently, Tony felt the same. He did away with the separation and pressed his lips to the sensitive flesh of Kate's neck. Kate inhaled sharply, the pain from earlier vanishing completely. It was overcome with what she could only describe as absolute pleasure. She gripped the fabric of his shirt with her hands. She couldn't remember a time when her hands felt more tightly clenched, not even while throwing the deadliest of punches. She pushed her entire body against his, so that almost no part of them wasn't touching. A chill ran over her bare arms, and she let her breath escape her mouth. She felt like some force of nature had possessed her, and she wasn't one to argue with it. Her entire body felt like it was starting to give way, and she did nothing to stop it. She was so carried away that it was hard no to let it happen.

As if he read her mind completely, Tony, without moving his mouth from her neck, grabbed Kate's waist and swiftly lifted her off the ground. His mouth was perfectly aligned to her jawbone, and he continued to kiss and bite at her skin. She put her hands to Tony's hair, and pulled him closer into her neck. Kate felt like she was free falling from the tallest skyscraper. She wrapped her legs around his torso and moved her hands onto his strong shoulders with astonishing force. He moved one hand to the seat of her pants and pulled her into his groin. She felt like screaming at the top of her lungs. Too many emotions were running through her head: Love, lust, fear, worry, excitement, adrenaline.

Then, as if some angry force of karma had found her, she saw his face. That cocky smirk, the kind, pleading eyes. She felt his torso pressed into hers. She felt his strong hands tight around her wrist, like it was happening for the first time again. And strangely enough, she was enjoying it.

She opened her eyes. For a split second, her entire body was pins and needles, from her scalp to her toes. Suddenly everything was...Real. Her mind snapped to attention. She felt the wall hard against her back, and Tony's hands move from her hips to the top button of her blouse.

"Tony," she finally blurted out breathlessly. Her tone sounded so alarming that Tony immediately froze. She placed shaking hands on his face. She felt heat radiating from his cheeks. "I can't..." Tears came from nowhere, fast, and slid down her flushed face. She looked directly into his bright blue eyes. "I'm so sorry..."

Without words, Tony gently returned her to the floor. She couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. She didn't even want to believe what just happened, or, more specifically, what she was thinking as it was happening. He pulled her into a hug, something she wasn't expecting at all.

"What's wrong?" He asked, concerned. He pulled away to look at her again. She kept her eyes averted.

He wiped the streak of tears from her cheeks and smiled. "Everything will be fine, Kate. You have nothing to worry about, okay?"

_If only you knew,_ she thought, glancing at him for a split second. He seemed so...loving. It was breaking her heart.

Right on cue, Tony spoke. "I guess we'd better get back to the Squad Room..."

Kate didn't respond. Her gaze stayed locked ahead. He brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. "Are you okay to go back out there yet? Or do you want to stay and regroup?"

Kate steadied her breathing. "You go." She used the wall as support, and sank to the floor. She bent her legs up and hugged her knees to her chest like a five year old girl. She didn't break her gaze of the wall in front of her, and the border of the doorway.

"Kate..." Tony said quietly. He bent down and gently turned her head to face him. She lowered her gaze.

"I love you." He kissed her cheek, stood and left.

"I love you too..."

He couldn't hear her. She couldn't even hear herself.

The second the door shut behind him, Kate felt more tears spilling from her eyes. She wanted Tony to know she loved him. She didn't want to hurt him at all. She didn't want him to have left her anymore. She wanted him here beside her, keeping her safe. She didn't think she could save herself now.

_What the hell is wrong with me...Everything was perfect..._

She tilted her head back, and her head hit the wall. The pang echoed through the stairwell. She closed her eyes, and there he was all over again. Staring a hole in her head with those smoldering eyes.

She felt her heart pounding. Her pulse was all she could hear for a good minute. His voice in her mind suddenly cancelled it out entirely.

_I'm going completely insane...Abby, if you can hear me, please come and get me..._

Tears came back even faster. No one was coming for her.

The tears wouldn't stop. She clasped her hands over her mouth to stifle sobs. She cried because she couldn't handle it on her own. She cried because, for the first time in her life, she didn't want to.

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